Every so often I go through phases where I become restless. I want to re-arrange my room, redecorate my hall (I’m an RA, fun fact.), pull things out of my dresser and throw everything away. This is strange to me, considering how much I desperately hate big changes. So why do I crave little changes? In attempts to know myself I find this to be the biggest challenge right now. Something doesn’t line up. Good things come from this restlessness, and so I am thankful though I don’t fully understand.
Yesterday the fierce craving for change hit me in the afternoon. I cleaned and vacuumed, but that wasn’t enough. So I took a gigantic trash bag and just started purging. After about an hour I had clean and folded laundry, made beds, shifted furniture, fabreezed-sprayed carpet, an empty fridge, and a very full trash bag in my hands. I didn’t do a minute of homework like I planned, but I felt more productive than I have all week. I realized, as I was on my knees scrubbing syrup off the walls of my refrigerator (don’t ask…) that I need to make these kinds of changes on the walls of my heart, too. Giving my hall decorations a face-lift is a good idea, but what’s more important is re-adjusting myself. Altering my heart and thoughts so that I am disrupted from sin and things that
The Lord whispered to me as I scrubbed that syrup, I’m going to chase you down. And I’m going to use this restlessness to make you do radical things for me.
I will refocus myself every minute if I have to so that Christ is my clearest view. That’s all I can do if I want Him to be the driving force of everything I do, radical or not.
Some days when I look in the mirror I see myself, and I am discouraged because I’ve been relying on simply me, looking inward too long to find what I need for living. I’ve been relying on my own strength, following my own will, listening to my own words. When in reality this “strength, this “will,” and these “words” are dust. God’s strength, will, and Words are the only soil in which I can plant any seeds; seeds in the hearts of my girls who I get to minister to daily. In order to lovingly and genuinely show my girls how deeply I care for them, the Lord has been showing me that I need to be
and most of all, passionate.
The radical part of this restlessness will have to be continued, because I’m about to run out the door. Next time I want to share with you some tips from a man who inspires my life in huge ways, simply through a magazine article. I want to share with you how this man’s life is moving me to craft my own life more extraordinarily with adventure, joy, and love. More of that comin’, so stay tuned ;)
But if you want to join me in this process, take a trash back and start throwing some things away. You never know what the Lord will speak to you as you re-arrange your room, or clean out your fridge. My prayer is that He would also re-arrange your heart, clean out your mind, disrupt your plans, interrupt your whole life.
It’s a good thing. Trust me :)